not enough minutes

Yea, yea I know you probably are hear this on the daily basis "time flies" but stop take a minute to reflect at where you are right now. What are you doing? Where are you? did you ever think, you were going to make it too this point in your life? did you ever think you were going to end up here? I had such a realization the other day when I was talking to my sister about someone from high school and I said "yea I went to high school with her" I stopped at thought holy shit, I sound like my mom/dad "I went to high school with her" I doesn't feel like too long ago I was in elementary school on the playground dancing with friends while we made up raps to perform at our talent show. Actually, when I think about it, it seems closer than anything else in life, even though that was 11 years ago when I was in second grade. How is that possible, I blinked and now I'm in college making a life of my own that one day will be the rest of my life.

I'm going to spare you the "you're growing up so fast deal" and cut to what really matters. I didn't realize how important time was until I was in such a dark place in my life, that took so many missed memories, food, opportunities, and happiness from me. It was a hard realization I had to face, one that took a lot to overcome and accept, that for whatever reason I am right where I am supposed to be. I am finding the purpose of what this journey means in my life. Initially I grieved all the time I lost, sitting and feeling so bad about what I missed out on, worrying about "what am I going to look back on" I was terrified I didn't want this to be part of my life, part of my story I wanted a due over. I wanted to be able to tell my children, and their children all of the amazing/stupid things I did in my teen years. Except now all I had to say was I was depressed, I had severe anxiety, I didn't go out, I didn't do much. What do I have to look back on? That was a though thing to get over, but guess what I did, and you want to know how. I started looking at my struggles as learning opportunities, things that are one day going to teach me a lesson, things that I will be able to teach others and make a career out of. Was this how 10year old Jaida envisioned her high school life to be no, but do I regret it no, because guess what we have right NOW to change. Not tomorrow, not the "beginning of the month or start the new week" we have NOW. After coming out of such a dark place I really started to value everything around me more, trips to the store with my mom, taking my sister to school, eating dinner together as a family. Little things that seemed so small before were the things I looked forward to the most. I wanted to make sure that I didn't waste another minute of my life and be present with what I have NOW, because things change in a second. So don't wait for the "perfect moment" when the perfect moment is right here, right now. If you do, you may be sitting around waiting everyday letting time that is precious and valuable slip away. When in reality it's waiting for you to make that decision, take the plunge, call that person. I've said it once and I'll say it again this is YOUR life, do what makes you happy! Another thing I started to do was check in on others, not only if something was wrong but just to see how they are doing. We often times forget how such a simple act as asking how someone is doing making them feel wanted and valued, it makes us feel good knowing that someone cares about you. The power of words is so incredible, how one thing can change how we feel in an instant. So, I encourage you to check up on the people you love and care about, let them know you care, let them know you haven't forgotten about them. I know with social media we ignore the things that are right in front of us and get lost in things that are out of our reach. Do the things you strive to do, open that business, be that influencer, do that thing that has been sitting in the bottom of your heart/gut that you've been wanting to do so bad but are afraid of failure and embarrassment who knows where it can take and lead you. So many times, in my life I've said I wished I talked to him more, or I wish I got that muffin when I was there. I'm here to tell you DO IT, don't allow feeling "embarrassed" or a worry of "gaining weight" stop you from living life and making memoires. We let these negative things have so much control over us, we allow them to waste the time we have because we may be afraid or insecure! but in reality, who cares, no one's going to remember what you said that one time, no one should care about how much you weigh as long as YOU are happy! This is your world we are all just living in it, don't be blocked by standards of society, create the things that make you feel good, and say f it to what others say or think IT DOESN'T MATTER. Think if you were to just do that thing your life can be completely different from what it is now, even if it is a failure, maybe it didn't work the first time, so you try again and if it didn't work again you learned from it and grew as a person it taught you a lesson and you are moving onto something bigger and better in life. Like me, I tried to lose weight, it didn't go as planned but the place I am in right now is so much more then I could've asked for before I tried losing weight, it took me in this direction that I never imagined I would have found myself being in. Time is inevitable and always going, something we can't change nor stop as much as we may want to but know this every minute that goes buy you are different from who you were that minute ago, be something with that minute, learn something, tell your parents you love them, do whatever it is you want to do. Use all the minutes up that you have and know that you are right where you are supposed to be whatever part of life you are in, it's leading to something much bigger and better. So don't wait for it, when what you have is right now:)

wishing you all the best

-jaida larson