-Growth-

Growth, it's human nature to be afraid of growth/change. But growth and change are a good thing! I am not the same person as I was in ^ picture, nor am I the same person as I was yesterday, or the day before, and I will not be the same person tomorrow.

"We cannot become what we want, by remaining what we are"

-Max Depree.

Growth is something we all have to get used to; it is inevitable. We grow physically, mentally and spiritually. Our values, beliefs, experiences are constantly changing and evolving. It is not something to be feared, it is only scary if you make it out to be. Embrace the path you are on and grow into the person you always wanted to be.

Embracing you

Growth/Change seem like such a scary concept to us, we fear what we do not know or cannot control. It is true that we can control certain things like the amount of studying we do, or knowledge we can contain. These growths aren't scary because we are in control, we make the decisions and pick the cards. I have found that the mind LOVES to be in control and have everything planned out to a T. Knowing how I'm going to handle this situation, what am I going to do here, knowing exactly every spot we might go on that vacation, the list goes on. The truth is, we don't need to know everything, we don't need to be in control because everything will work out. I know it's hard to have trust in something where we don't know the outcome but know that it will work out. Your brain is always trying to protect you (it's a love hate relationship) it wants to be in control, but also it would never do anything to make you feel uncomfortable. But what if being uncomfortable is the perfect thing for us? I believe this to be true, as I venture on my path of recovery, I have noticed that in me personally I avoid every situation where I am unsure of the outcome, I don't want to set myself up in a situation where I may fail. What I have come to realize that failing is what I need, it's what is putting me towards sucess in my recovery. The lessons I have learned though the fails/mistakes I've made have only made me stronger and smarter. I know now that I have a voice of my own, and I can stick up for myself (If you know me, then you know I am a horrible people pleaser) saying no to someone was not an option, or giving my opinion, (nope not going to happen) when I was in these situations that I had to give my two sense, my heart would race telling me "NO NO NO" but my mind thought if I were to say no it would make them mad, and I don't want to disappoint, so even though I didn't want to, the word that always came out is "yes" I didn't trust my intuition. I allowed that evil voice to have more power over my own. I knew I had a voice, but it was so masked by the evil in my head telling me to do something else, that I never questioned it. All I wanted to do was "protect myself" from being in a stressful situation or having to worry about what someone would say if I said "No" As I started to challenge that evil, I would do things way out of my comfort zone. I finally got to such a low where I basically said fuck it and didn't care about anything my mind was telling me, I was so sick of it controlling every part of my life and taking away any happiness or hope I had in me. I was so convinced that I literally had cried so much that I had no more tears to shed, everything was gone it took it all away from me. I felt so numb to it, that I didn't care of the fear that it was warning me about as I took those steps. Little did I know was that this pain I was feeling would soon be the reason I finally would start to show up for myself and commit to recovery. In these moments I told myself, I will always be afraid of it, this fear I'm feeling will not go away unless I do it. You can't get out without going through. So, I applied for jobs, went to yoga classes and the gym by myself. (All of these things I felt unworthy or capable of doing) I would never even think to do them. I wanted to challenge myself as much as I could. I thought "This is me, if I don't get that job, I'll apply to another one" "if I look stupid in a class, I will learn to get better" soon enough instead of bashing every part of my life and abilities, I was accepting of who I was. I knew that no matter what, everything would be okay, I am still alive, I have a family, and I have faith. All these other things in life are blessings, we don't need to be perfect, we don't need to be in control. I still struggle with having these fears and thoughts in my head because spoiler alert I'm human. It's that I have the ability now to avoid them, and know that I am worthy of sucess, I am worthy of happiness, I am worthy of creating the best life possible for me."Let life be" that is something my mom always tells me when I get in my moments where I feel like my world is falling apart. Then I sit and think she's right, I need to let life be, it will play out just as it should. So, as you go about your life, growing and evolving embrace the new you. It is okay to think about your old life but mourn it and let it go appreciate the one you have now. Things change it is a part of life, and it is all what you make of it. Going about change and thinking nothing good comes from it, then guess what nothing will, but knowing that whatever happens you are right where you need to be. You will realize and appreciate how amazing your life is, you will find happiness in everything you see, your true self will be shown (not masked by the voice telling you otherwise) Now I'm not saying that this is some easy fix, we need to go through valleys to find our peaks. Don't set expectations, find peace and value in the place you are in right now, the one that has so much room for growth and change. I wish you all the best in life, full of happiness, peace, love and growth.<3

-Love Jaida